The biopic of the Notorious B.I.G., “Notorious,” was released over the weekend to mixed reviews. The much-anticipated film, executive produced by whatever the hell Sean Combs is presently calling himself, was the latest way for Puffy to exploit his supposed buddy’s death for additional fame and profit took in an impressive $21.5 million, good enough to put it in 4th place in the weekend box office. (And just a shade behind the weekend’s #2 and #3 films, Gran Torino and My Bloody Valentine 3D, which pulled $22.2 and $21.9 million, respectively. I choose not to acknowledge this weekend’s big winner.)

But more importantly, it kept local police forces on their toes.

The most noteworthy account I’ve been able to find comes from the Greensboro News & Record:

A 32-year-old man was shot twice in the abdomen during an argument and an estimated 700 people were evacuated when gunfire broke out at a Greensboro movie theater Friday night.

The sound of a gunshot echoed throughout the lobby of the Grand 18 at Four Seasons Station just after 9 p.m. as moviegoers waited to get into opening night showings of “Notorious” – the life and death story of the rapper Notorious B.I.G.

Viral marketing at its most excellent. Mind you, it was the reasonable thinking of Biggie that kept Puffy from shootin’ up the place in “Big Poppa” in the greatest bit of dialogue in recorded history wherein he implores Puffy to play it cool when it comes to the whole firearm thing.

“Why?” Diddy wonders aloud. And it’s an excellent question. What reasonable answer could there possibly be for someone with a weapon in his possession to not want to show it off by, ya know, firing it in a crowded public place?

But the wise Biggie is all like, “Chill out Sean, I must plant my seed in one or more of these bitches first.” Voila! Crisis averted.

Anyway, here’s how I think the conversation went in Greensboro:

Shooter: “Dude, I can’t wait to publicly demonstrate this pistol I’ve just purchased!”
Friend of Shooter: “Righteous! But wait, where would be a good place to show off the new tool?”
Shooter: “Well, I was thinking we could perhaps locate some female companionship, let nature takes it course via copulation, and then fuck some tin cans’ worlds up.”
Friend of Shooter: “Excellent plan!”
Shooter: “I know! But wait! Do you see any comely lasses worthy of carrying on our respective legacies?”
Friend of Shooter: “Well, it’s awful dark, on account of the theater lighting.”
Shooter: “You’re right!”

And then he shoots some guy in the stomach.

But how has he gotten away with it? (Ya know, besides the fact that this isn’t a speed trap and the cops may actually have to put some work in.)

Janell Pruitt, a friend of Seapoe’s, said the crowd’s reaction to the gunshot was delayed because a woman was coming through the hallway with a balloon bouquet.

“Everybody thought it was the balloons popping,” Pruitt said, “but it was a gunshot because a balloon couldn’t be that loud.”

What the fuck?

Meanwhile in Kenosha, Wisconsin:

Officers responded to the theater at 7101 70th Court about midnight after getting a report of a fight inside the theater, according to a Kenosha Police Department report.

Officers broke up the crowd and ushered people outside, where several men start stripping off their shirts to continue fighting.

While officers continued to disperse a crowd of nearly 200 people, police used a Taser to subdue a 16-year-old boy. He was handcuffed and taken to the police station where he was ticketed for disorderly conduct and resisting arrest.

I take back my earlier potshot which was driving at the unfounded stereotype that cops are lazy douchebags. They sure showed that 16-year-old who was boss. If only there were dogs around for them to shoot.

Moving further south:

LANCASTER — Lancaster police say as many as 2,000 teenagers were involved in a disturbance Saturday night after they were denied admission to a movie theater because of their ages.

Five people were arrested for disorderly conduct and possession of marijuana at the Cinemark Movies 14 theater at 3250 W. Pleasant Run Road.

“Police say as many as 2,000 teenagers were involved.” “Five people were arrested.” Beautiful. And what the hell is with 2,000 teenagers? How did this happen? Was this organized?

We’ll round out the coverage with the action from the mean streets of Connecticut:

TRUMBULL — Several patrons of the “Notorious” movie, about slain rapper Biggie Smalls, started fighting after a showing late Friday at the Bow Tie Marquis 16 cinemas, police said Sunday.

No one was arrested or injured in the fights at the 16-screen, Quarry Road theater, said Police spokesman Deputy Chief Glenn Byrnes. The movie opened Friday to a “particularly large” crowd, police said.

The incident started at 11:50 p.m. when several hundred people had gathered in the lobby after the film ended, Byrnes said. Town officers responded to disperse the crowd, but it was too large and Bridgeport police responded as well, he said.

It took an hour to empty the lobby because many patrons were waiting to be picked up, Byrnes said.

Trumbull police added extra officers to patrol during Saturday’s showings in response to the incident.

Notorious is in theaters now.