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The musical incarnation, whose earthbound persona we know (and love) as R.Kelly is not guilty on all 14 counts (of simple misunderstandings and mistaken identity). Now, I’m not one to toot my own horn, but they could not keep my boy down. Mr. Kelly rose to the occasion in true form, a class act in every sense. He embodies the statesmanship-like qualities of Lincoln. Like honest Abe, he emancipated (all the wrongly-accused brothers who could not be heard, seen, or freed, but suffered nonetheless) himself, from shackles of an evil empire (this is not my sinister society) and proclaimed his innocence without speaking a word.
I can only imagine if he portrayed a modern-day Moses (vintage Moses said to the Pharaoh of Egypt “LET MY PEOPLE GO!”). Similarly, Kelly would utter to the jury “I DIDN”T PEE ON NO LIL HO!” His words would uplift us and fill us with glee. And an angry God would smite his foes and lead him to the Promised Land. Oh yeah, that’s already happened and it only took 6 years (instead of forty years). Take that Moses, and your magical staff!
The literary master Thomas Wolfe once wrote “you can’t go home again.” I guess R.Kelly wasn’t paying attention in high school English class. Chicago’s native son has come home once more, free from the turmoil and the tyranny (and the lies). He walks amongst us free to spread his message of love, hope, and loss (hopefully ,with with a smooth urban beat you can f_ck to). He is a pillar of strength in a community that once shunned him, he turns to embrace them and he is welcomed once more. After all the allegations and dragging of Robert’s name through the mud, now he is free. Free to give us the gift of music, perhaps another 12 chapters of his renowned R-n-B, operatic stylings. Free to roam highways and byways , in search lost souls who are in need of R.Kelly’s special TLC treatment (no video cameras, please). He has regained his life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And now he is free to pursue the finer things in life like marrying any underage hottie (Aaliyah we still miss you) or urinating on a “young” fan (a groupie most likely, a minor willing to do whatever it takes to impress her idol) Dumb broad, the black Pavarotti has you under his spell!
Wherever R.Kelly turns up, whether on the radio, a music video, or an 8th grade girls’ pajama party. We welcome you back into our iPods, our televisions, and most importantly, our hearts.
It’s certainly good to see you again, our beloved Pied Piper of R’nB.
Oh by the way, “TOOT, TOOT, MOFOs!”
The Kid
I just saw a rather unbelievable, video where a guy invented a car that runs on water (and minuscule amount of gas). Check it out:
more about ““, posted with vodpod
Also, I find out through the magic of Google search, that other inventors have had some grave mishaps when experimenting with hydrogen fuels or The Illuminati (a secret society that the world in a choke-hold) eliminating any obstacles in their path.
This inventor is a dead man walking. He should go into hiding before it’s too late. Between the automotive and oil industries, there will be a hefty bounty on his head. It’s too bad though: I would love all the oil barons and Saudi princes to shit bricks when petroleum is worth jack shit. There goes my dream of owning a Hummer with a .50 caliber machine gun and get more than 12 mpg. Alas, hunting humans for sport will continue to be an elusive fantasy.
Oh well, one can always dream.
The Kid
This is just a little hors d’oeuvre to start your blog reading day. Besides, I sure do love the use of the double entendre.
A Very Brief Comparative Analysis of Sex & the City*
* eavesdropping on a fellow rider of the mass transit system.
I was riding the famously, filthy NYC subway when I overheard a young (non-Caucasian) woman, talking about The Sex & the City movie. She and I had the same newspaper, AMNY, (and yes, I know I’m a cheap bastard and a lazy reader for not buy the New York Times).
Moving on…
She was reading the review excerpt (Josh Tyrangiel, Time) that they insert on the movie ad placement. She reads the quote and it states, “If you are a woman there is nothing in the world that will keep you from this movie.”She then yells” Well ain’t that some shit. White women are now becoming all gangsta-n-shit. It’s like Dr. Dre’s The Chronic album all over again.” <short pause> “White women are fucking crazy.” She continued to speaking but she was pretty indecipherable. God damn Ebonics!
I was thinking “…nothing in the world that will keep you from this movie.” Nothing? Nothing! <Echoing in my mind, repeatedly.>
Here are 5 things that would keep me from this movie.. (in no particular order)
1) Big cock / Succulent pussy. Pick one (I prefer the latter because I loves the ladies, but if I were gay I’d want some hardcore man junk).
2) Winning the lotto. Winning a $2 dollar scratch off would suffice.
3) Going to an art gallery opening. Free wine and cheese is da shit!
4) Cinemax (Skinamax) After Dark, and The Movie Channel or Showtime after 10pm. Because who doesn’t like soft-core porn.
5) The Tyra Banks Show. Insert ridiculing joke here ___________________________________________
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What do you think?
The Kid
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