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Piggy-backing off of the ever-popular series “(Sub)[urban]ism -vs- (PC)ism -vs- Gabe(ism)”, brought to you by Kid Hasselhoff, it should be noted that our dear friend Gabe is not the only one in today’s society that is “keepin’ it racially real”. Sure, while douche nozzles like Carlos Mencia and Lisa Lampanelli are getting paid for their trite criticisms of ethnicity in our world, un-sung and un-praised racists like Gabe do not get their just praise.
Luckily for us, Liquid Generation has put together a Top 10 Most Racist Moments on Television, as their own mini tribute to the sheltered bigot in us all.
Cheers, Gabe. If I understood Spanish, I’d be offended at the slew of racial epithet you are undoubtedly mouthing at this post.
EDITOR’S NOTE: It should be thoroughly noted that the comments of one Kid Hasselhoff does not reflect those of the entire RHSP entity. Plus, he really does come from the hood, which does legitimize it… or at least that’s what we’re telling ourselves.
Sub-Urban(ism):
Porch Monkey
PC(ism):
I had an extraordinary opportunity to witness a group of impoverished, urban youth in their natural habitat. It was nothing short of amazing!
Gabe(ism):
I enjoyed belittling the ghetto kids who sell chocolate on the subway. When I say “NO” to one, I know I’m shattering the dream (if only just a little) of owning a new uniform or going on a class trip .
Sub-Urban(ism):
Douche-bag
PC(ism):
Smith: I heard Johnson just bought a pre-owned Lexus.
Boss: Yes, I saw him park his car this morning. My 16 year-old has the same model except his is brand-new.
Smith: <in a snotty voice> Really???
Boss: <short pause> Smith, remind me to cut Johnson’s salary and hours. We’ll need to make an example him. We don’t need anyone else to trying to shake up the status quo.
Smith: Yes, sir. < after a long day of stroking his ego, Smith fully commits to giving his boss fellatio>.
Gabe(ism):
Nick Hogan doesn’t deserve to be in jail. His comatose “friend” should have been smart enough to wear his seat belt. I guess that will be one hard pill to shallow In his case, more like grinding it into a powder and injecting “the hard pill” into a feeding tube.
Blowjob, BJ, Chin-nuts, Cock-sucking, Salami Swallowing….
Sub-Urban(ism):
Blowjob,
PC(ism):
I was expecting a typical congratulatory pat-on-the back, and to my surprise, received some special mouth loving.
Gabe(ism):
Stop talking about that Gringa Monica Lewinsky. Everyone knows that fat chicks are more eager.
This for all my peeps out on the West Coast. Here’s an oldie but a goodie…
Sub-Urban-ism:
Sub-urban-ism are words most commonly used in “da hood,” “da ghetto,” The Green Acres Mall in Valley Stream, NY. Ebonics, black-speak, chocolate-rain, jive-talking are different variations of this amazing dialect.
Unfortunately, these words are also commonly used by wiggers, strip mall dirtbags, frat boys and their associates (a.k.a. bros) as a means to make themselves seem like they’re “da shit” and more in tune with whats “down” with brown folks (homies). These are despicable creatures that need to be ridiculed on site. Their constant abuse of urbandictionary.com (and the like) garner them high marks for tomfoolery and douchebaggery.
PC-ism:
PC-ism (a.ka. politically correct) version of sub-urban-ism. There may have underlying racial undertones and / or stereotypes without classifying the user as a bigot or bias against any distinctive persons. Also, these allow the user to fire remarks that create generalizations about someone or something, without the serious recuperations . Mostly used around office spaces and /or work related functions and people you just don’t like. People who use these on daily basis are fake mofos and are not your friends. Some pc-isms are classified as positive racism.
Gabe-ism:
Gabe-ism is a state of being coined by a oblivious racist named Gabriel P. Essentially, this is positive racism gone horribly wrong. These remarks will offend anyone and everyone within an earshot. These statements are similar to things you would here from a hate group.
Now there’s one subject matter that everyone can agree upon… Titties (especially big breastesses). Do you know when to use the correct vernacular for describing some hefty chesticles? What can only be described as “the filet mignon of the mammaries” never ceases to amaze the human eye (and the male loins). Whether you like them big or small you can’t help but to gawk in awe.
Hence the need for Sub-Urban-ism, PC-ism, and Gabe-ism.
Tits: Titties, Breasts, Chest Handles, Speed Bumps, etc.
(Sub)[Urban]ism:
Big ‘Ol Titties or Tig Bitties
(PC)ism:
The technology to capture beams of God’s love hasn’t been invented yet.
Gabe(ism):
Why did _____________ (insert ethically large breasted woman’s name here) get mad when I said, if her brains were as big as breasts, she would need to be fucking her boss for the X-Mas bonus.
I welcome any suggestions.
Peace out,
The Kid.
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