I’m So Going To Friend Exxon on Facebook!

I have found myself, yet again, losing faith in humanity. And surprise, surprise, it’s because of something I’ve found on Facebook!

Members of the popular social-networking community believe that oil industry giant Exxon will be giving away one free gallon of gasoline for its patrons on June 1st, in an effort to give a little something back to the community it has been so accustomed to raping. An online event allegedly hosted by the gas powerhouse has found its way to 6,410 Facebook profiles. However, those eagerly clicking too fast to save that $4.00 may be setting themselves up for disappointment, as further investigation into the event shows the event creator as Rutgers student Luis Piloto, who apparently is a professional cabinet surfer, when not committing crimes of e-douche-baggery:

some facebook dude

This display of Facebook deception that screams, “I have no friends” isn’t the most troubling finding. What comes as the biggest shock is that as of 8:10 PM today, over 2,000 users of Facebook have RSVP’d to the event’s invitation, a movement so mind-numbingly sad, that is only rivaled by the droves camping out for Harry Potter books. I’ve come up with two explanations. Either our fellow Facebook’ers have become so devoid of reality that they will believe anything that only requires them to single mouse click (let’s face it: a double click would be asking much). Or, out of some backfiring fluke of technology, the 2,000+ user count lost power to their scroll wheel usage SIMUTANIOUSLY!

Which ever the case may be, it’s clear to see that progressive online movements on Facebook, such as “I will donate imaginary money to Darfur“, or “Bringing Sexy Back“, will never die. No matter how badly we may want them to.

After the jump, read some of my favorite talking points found from the event’s discussion wall:

– Rob D of (North Jersey, NJ) wrote: to good to be true but what the hell

I’m led to believe that if this kid were sinking in quicksand, he would have the “ah, fuck it” mentality for that as well.

-Morgan C of (North Jersey, NJ) wrote : and people, opec is driving our gas prices, not exxon. opec is the one selling oil for $300+ a barrel, not exxon. exxon’s giving us a break, let’s take it. i never fuel at exxon either but if they’re gonna give me a free gallon of gas, then for christ’s sake i’m gonna take it. i’m a jew after all.

Nothing like the “I’m going to shamelessly admidt that I perpetuate stereotypes” reasoning to justify being a moron.
– Lauren D of (Rutgers) wrote : ONE WHOLE GALLON. wow. thanks. like really.

She really drives the point home with the “stop and go” sarcasm, ending with a solid “like really”.

About helloimwes

22 year old nobody from Jersey with some ish on his mind. Boo-yah. View all posts by helloimwes

One response to “I’m So Going To Friend Exxon on Facebook!

  • labellakritta

    ‘like really’ is now officially added to my bring-it-back-in-08 list, right before the phrase ‘biting off of’ and after the term ‘poser’.

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