Dane Cook: Worse Than Hitler?

By now, I think I’ve established that I’m not the biggest Dane Cook fan in the world. The short form is, his spoken attempts at humor (I refuse to actually call it “comedy”) fail to such an incredible degree that I have to resist the urge to punch, pummel or stab someone or something any time I hear one. Though I have to say I laughed pretty hard when I saw this:

Probably not safe for work, but I still recommend it.

Anyway, I recently read an article about a new book to be released this fall, titled “The Last Witness.” What I gathered from reading the story is that the book differs from the standard Hitler book formula of “boy meets art, boy loses art, boy grows square mustache and presides over mass murder failing reasonable alternative like wearing eyeliner and black clothing, boy kills self,” is that in this one he’s portrayed not only as a genocidal monster but as a deficient comic as well.

His favourite victim was the Luftwaffe chief Herman Goering, who was notoriously fond of awarding himself medals and decorations.

According to the book by the last surviving member of his bunker, Hitler recounted how Mrs Goering found her husband waving a baton over his underwear in the bedroom and asked him what he was doing.

“He replied: “I am promoting my underpants to OVERpants””, Hitler then joked.

Ah, wordplay. A staple of good comedy. (Do not proceed past the first four seconds. I’m sorry I even linked to it.)

But puns alone (usually) can’t carry an act. A good comic needs to be able to commit, perhaps even using physical comedy to try to garner enthusiasm from his or her audience.

Hitler was said to be so proud of his joke that he had medals made from gold and silver paper for Goering to wear on his pyjamas.

Perfection. Hitler didn’t even need to use a mic stand as an apparatus to get his point across.

On another occasion he noticed his official photographer Heinrich Hoffman had drunk too much and told him: “Don’t stand to near the fire Heini – you might burst into flames.”

Why, he must’ve consumed a great deal of alcohol for that to seem like a possibility! Sehr gut, Mein Fuhrer! Sehr gut!

In all honesty, though, it’s not fair to compare Dane Cook and Hitler. While both have sold out Madison Square Garden and both are shitty comics, the similarities end there. Cook is also a poor actor, while Hitler has no experience in that capacity. Hitler presented a compelling enough message to a downtrodden country that he was able to seize power and lead a holocaust, while Dane Cook’s message appeals more to teenage girls. And, yes, I’ll admit it, some of the laughs Hitler got may have been symptomatic of his standing in the Nazi regime rather than the laughter Cook gets on the rare occasions he comes up for air during one of his ungodly performances.

Besides, I think I found a better comparison.

Oh yeah. That fits perfectly.


6 responses to “Dane Cook: Worse Than Hitler?

  • ha

    poor actor
    when the new york times gives you a glowing review (for mr brooks and dan in real life) and when all your comedy albums go platinum AND your doing shows over in iraq for our troops

    that is beyond making it … hes a millionaire doing what he loves and you are well YOU and thats about all you will ever be. just this guy talking about people that get shit done.

    i bet 500 dollars your very overweight and think zack galifunknakusszz is funny


  • messiahoflibel

    You owe me 500 dollars. And it couldn’t come at a better time, as I’m currently struggling to make ends meet after being laid off by my former company for not being able to take a joke about my struggle with anemia.

    I have not, in fact, made it.

  • messiahoflibel

    and just for fun, the New York Times online movie review archive spits out these gems:

    Mr. Brooks: “Another would-be killer is a peeping-Tom photographer calling himself Mr. Smith (the comedian Dane Cook), who observes Earl’s double murder of a couple who amuse their neighbors by having sex with the lights on and the shades open.”

    “Featured!” raves Stephen Holden!

    Dan In Real Life: “It turns out that she is the new girlfriend of Dan’s bachelor brother, Mitch (an astonishingly tolerable Dane Cook)”

    “Astonishingly tolerable!” ballwashes A.O. Scott, whose Good Luck Chuck review began thusly:

    “I’ve occasionally heard Dane Cook, one of the stars of ‘Good Luck Chuck,’ described as a comedian. I find this confusing, since my understanding is that comedians are people who say and do things that are funny. Perhaps Mr. Cook is some new kind of conceptual satirist whose shtick is to behave in the manner of a person attempting to be funny without actually being, you know, funny.”

    pwned indeed.

  • andy

    hilarious…and a very valid point which i don’t think has been considered in the great roster of villains and oppressors throughout history. hating dane cook will never get old…

  • labellakritta

    ha- the sure bet was on mesiah being ugly like a trout, obvs.

  • labellakritta

    quick, somebody lend me an ‘s’.

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