With the local ABC News affiliate breaking in and breathlessly reporting that Cynthia Rodriguez will officially cash out file for divorce from All-Star third baseman Alex Rodriguez on Monday (cheer up buddy, you were the leading vote getter for the second straight year!), I figured I’d do a quick Google search to try to get some more details on the story. Granted, when the Eyewitness News anchor that may or may not have been Joe Torres declared that it was stated that “the affair with Madonna was the last straw” for C-Rod, I thought it was possible that the comedy of the story had reached its critical mass.
Then I Googled “Alex Rodriguez divorce,” and found this story, with the fairly innocuous headline of “Madonna blamed for Alex Rodriguez’s divorce.” And this lede:
The wife of a famous baseball star has blamed Madonna’s Kabbalah beliefs for the break-down of her marriage.
Cynthia Rodriguez, 34, has told friends that the singer is using “mind control” over husband Alex Rodriguez after introducing him to the Jewish religion.
Of course! The Jews! How did the media miss this angle before? Oh. Right.
It all makes sense, though. The New York media has spent the last several years constantly trying to dig up dirt on the highest-paid player in Major League Baseball. And don’t think it was an accident, either. Logic dictates that if he’s the richest player in baseball, he’d also be the most popular. And with the Jews already controlling the media, they’d need a new outlet to spread their Zionist message. Who better to pursue to spread that word than a highly influential athlete who had seemingly been at war with the media — through no fault of his own — over the past five years?
From the standpoint of Joe David Gatekeeperberg, it doesn’t hurt that A-Rod has gained a reputation for being weak mentally. Astute readers may say, “But, messiahoflibel, wasn’t that reputation given to him by the very same Jews who control the media, thereby making it possible, if not likely, that Rodriguez is actually one of the most mentally tough human beings in the world?”
To this I first say “messiahoflibel” is merely my pen name. In the future, please call me either “messiah” or “Josef.” But secondly, and more relevantly, I’d like to thank you for pointing out the paradox contained within my argument. Indeed, Alex Rodriguez is unlikely to have the mental insecurities of your typical overweight, blemished teenage girl, as Jewish Big Brother might like we mouth-breathing goys to believe. But there is also a distinct possibility that after years of being prodded about his mental wellbeing, A-Rod has indeed started to believe that perhaps he is a bit weak mentally. I believe this is known in sociology as the Thomas theorem. (Not to be confused with the “self-fulfilling prophecy,” often incorrectly credited to Jewish sociologist Robert Merton [surprise, surprise], who developed the term but not the theory).
In any event, once the liberal (read, Jewish) media sensed that it had finally drawn blood from A-Rod, C-Rod, shown here trying her best not to emasculate her then-husband in public, suggests that Team Kabbalah went ahead and unleashed its cougar.
She told a friend: “I feel like Madonna’s using mind control over him. I don’t recognise the man he’s become.
“He was a sweet, beautiful, loving husband and father. Today he’s very cold and calculating.”
She added: “I believe he was having an affair with Madonna.”
And the rest, as they say, is history.
In all seriousness, you have to admire the integrity and self-respect that Cynthia is showing here by refusing to continue to be a party to a sham marriage. At the second hint of (publicized) infidelity, Mrs. Rodriguez was courageous enough to file for divorce. It’s not about the money to her, it’s about love. Some may raise questions about the way she’s handling things. Questions like, “Well, if she was so adverse to A-Rod cheating on her, why did she wait until after he signed his latest multi-million dollar contract in the off-season before divorcing him?” or “Seriously, Kabbalah mind control?” But I admire her fortitude, honesty and willingness to pile on. A-Rod was lucky to have her, and it’s a darn shame that things didn’t work out, particularly when you consider that this is her apparent replacement: