Britney Reportedly Close To Knowing Who Killed Her

Every once in a while, I like to type Britney Spears’ name into Google and see if it returns any matches. I did so today, and learned that she’d be paying K-Fed handsomely to raise her children, that she’s been nominated for the VMA for Best Female Video and that she’s set to star in a sadomasochistic sex movie.

The movie will focus on the true story of two students who were allegedly carjacked, kidnapped, raped and killed in the Tennessee city.

Ghetto Bragging Rights gossip columnist Clarence Star, who broke the story, believes it could be the right career move for Spears, explaining: “People need to see another side of Britney.”

Absolutely correct. I’ve always said that I want to take Britney seriously again, but I’m not sure that I can truly get back to appreciating her music until I see her involved in a simulated rape.

However, it is feared the mother-of-two will not be able to handle the “intensity” of the disturbing sex scenes.

A movie insider said: “The Knoxville Carjacking Party has a lot of sadomasochistic sex scenes in it. While it’s thought Britney can handle any average sex scenes, these scenes have a lot of intensity in them. She would have to raise her performance level to endure some of these scenes.”

Please, read those last two sentences again.

Done? OK. Let’s recap. They’re close to casting Britney Spears in what sounds like a glorified snuff film, based on the admittedly brief glimpse of the plot line the article gives. Great.

So they ask a movie insider what he/she thinks, and his/her biggest concern is not that she won’t be able to convey the horror of being carjacked, kidnapped or murdered. No, it appears to be that Britney will not be able to convince the average moviegoer that she is, in fact, being raped. Or, that if she does manage to get that point across, that she will not be capable of conveying that she is not, in fact, laying back and enjoying it. Fucking brilliant.

Lest we forget:

Spears is no stranger to the big screen.

In 2002, she starred in teen movie Crossroads.

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