Monthly Archives: September 2008

Mr. Met Is Used To This Bullshit By Now

At the risk of being accused of trying to rub it in that the New York Mets were eliminated from playoff contention on the final day of the season, at home, by the Florida Marlins, for the second year in a row, I’d just like to point out that Mr. Met is already well prepared for the next few weeks, at least until they demolish Shea.

And with “team leaders” like Jose Reyes, who could blame him? (Sorry, had to get at least one dig in there. What a disaster.)

While he may spend a fair amount of his time working on his golf game, Mr. Met will also available for bar mitzvahs, corporate events and, oh yes, weddings during the offseason. Here’s just a small preview of what you’ll be getting into should you book what is for my money one of the top five mascots in sports for your next gathering:

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Sir Alex Ferguson Defends Sloppy Play and Bookings of Man U

Manchester United left Stamford Bridge with only one point Sunday in their match against Chelsea, whose undefeated streak at home remains at a high 85 games.  Struggling to gain their usual strong footing on the Premiership League tables with many of their starters out due to injury, the 1-1 draw against the Blues further demonstrated the club’s inability to succeed during these first few games of the season.  Six total bookings against Man U saw their top boys – Scholes, Ferdinand, Neville, Berbatov, Rooney, Evra, and Ronaldo – all with yellow cards, leading to an automatic fine issued by the Football Association in the amount upwards of £25,000.

It’s a given that managers need to stand by their team through thick and thin.  But, it’s almost startling to hear Sir Alex Feguson find nothing wrong with quality of his player’s performance, specifically to the plays leading to their bookings. Both Neville and Rooney’s tackles had 0 traces of defendable justification, while Ronaldo’s arrogant demeanor towards the official’s call shows little class to his immense talent.  Sir Alex should book himself a trip to the eye doctor.  Though both sides did not play to their potential, clearly Ferguson had not seen the same 90 minutes that everyone else had.

The New Facebook: Worse Than Hitler?

No, it’s not. It’s better than Hitler. Just stop it.

McCain and Walters Spar on Palin’s Earmark Spending Issue, Punches Pulled Due to Arthritis Pains

John McCain took a seat on the comfy “View” couch earlier today, and proceeded to get the “picking on” of a lifetime. Much like a teenage slumber party makeover to the helpless little brother, the Republican presidential hopeful took heat from both sides of the sofa, particularly from fellow fossil-woman Barbara Walters.

McCain decided to ditch talks of outlining solutions to the nation’s economic struggles, needs of health care for the un-insured, and a timeline for withdrawal from Iraq: you know, that “View”ish girl stuff.

Instead, the Arizona senator used his coffee talk spotlight to dispel the vicious rumors perpetuated, of course, by the leftist liberal-puppy-killing media, of running mate Sarah Palin’s acceptance of earmark spending by the government. Watch the internal restraint of utter rage on the part of McCain as Walters and Joy Behar nag him to no end.  Funny, I thought the only show you can see a man’s soul and very being crushed was this.

McCain made a calculated error on this.  It’s not so much that everything he said doesn’t stand well with the facts.  He should have just had Tyra Banks do another horrible Michelle Obama tribute. Nothing gets the heat off your own running mate than that Titanic-sinking celebrity endorsement.

Allianz: Worse Than Hitler?

New Yorkers who apparently lacked any better ideas of how to use their time yesterday took the opportunity to register their disgust in several published accounts regarding the potential sale of the naming rights to the new Jets’ and Giants’ football stadium (in Jersey, natch) to the Munich-based insurance and finance group Allianz.

The reason? Purportedly, everyone associated with the German-based company is, in fact, a big stupid Nazi jerk. And why wouldn’t they be? They’re from Germany, after all, and everyone knows that’s where Hitler’s from. All the pieces fit.

Want more? Apparently Allianz, the large German-based insurance firm that it is, had the audacity to insure concentration camps during the Nazi regime. Surely they could’ve just told Hitler that they weren’t interested. The fact that they didn’t just goes to show you what Nazi bastards they really were (and one must assume still are).

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We Interrupt The Politics As Usual To Bring You Some Juvenile Humor

Or should I say adult humor posing as juvenile humor? (No. Thought about it. Shouldn’t say that. Lame.)

A sex offender who posed as a 12-year-old boy to enroll in Arizona schools has pleaded guilty to seven criminal charges.

Prosecutors say he will spend more than 70 years in prison.

Authorities say Rodreick shaved and wore pancake makeup to appear younger, convincing teachers, students and administrators that he was a boy named Casey.

Say, when’s that next Board of Ed election?

Rodreick was caught last January posing as a seventh grader after school officials became suspicious about his paperwork.

Not a red flag, according to the article: the time he grabbed some little girl’s ass. Well, hey, these things happen.

Palin’s Experience in National Security? McCain says, “Energy”?!

In yet another stop on his “Perpetually Vague Press Tour”, John McCain answered questions from a Maine Reporter who specifically requested examples to address the Republican’s claim of his own experience and good judgment, as well as running mate Sarah Palin.  There have been numerous reports of McCain’s unwillingness to face the press on issues within his campaign,which this interview seemingly restores a bit of credibility into his campaign.  However, it is quickly dashed to bits by his confusing response to the reporter’s question regarding Palin’s experience with national security:

Reporter : Well, you say you’re sure that [Palin] has the experience. But again, I’m just asking for an example: what experience does she have in the field of national security?

McCain : (slight pause) Energy…she knows more about energy than probably anyone else in the United States of America. She is the Govenor of the state that 20% of America’s energy supply comes from there. And we all know that energy is a critical and vital national security issue. We got to stop sending 700 billion dollars to countries that don’t like us very much.  She’s very well versed on that issue. And she happens to be Governor of a state that’s right next to Russia.  She understands that Russia and their newly aggressive behavior in the world, which is something we also have to be concerned about.

In McCain’s infinite and ancient wisdom, the saving grace Palin can pull out on doomsday will be knowledge on turning off a light switch when leaving the room, and where Russia is on a map?  The reporter had tremendous momentum until he basically took that money shot of response to the chest.  How can you call yourself a reporter, and not ask McCain to ELABORATE?!  And shouldn’t he have his cronies spew the ignorant “Alaska is near Russia” argument for him?

Video is below.  To see all the perplexing goodness, fast-forward to 4:34.

[Interview via Ben Smith @ Politico]

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