McCain Supporters Cut Themselves

Guess what, everybody! It turns out Ashley Todd was full of shit! Fox News (and everybody else) is reporting that the 20-year-old McCain campaign volunteer who was allegedly mugged and had a perfectly-formed backwards B carved into her face by a suspect she might as well have described to police as “6’4 and as if comprised entirely of chocolate” made the whole thing up.

Pittsburgh police were operating under the assumption that the motive for the attack was the McCain bumper sticker that Todd had proudly affixed to the bumper of her Ford Taurus.

Alas, she was full of it.

Ashley Todd, 20, will face charges for filing a false police report. Police said they had found several “inconsistencies” in her statements in which she claimed she was robbed at knifepoint at a Citizens Bank ATM in Bloomfield.

Earlier in the day, Pittsburgh police spokeswoman Diane Richard would not say whether police doubted the story alleged by Todd, but bank surveillance footage did not show Todd at the ATM where she claims the assault took place.

But really, who can trust those liberal surveillance cameras?

Todd, from College Station, Texas, told police that on Wednesday night at 9 p.m. ET, a 6’4″ black male in dark jeans and a black tank top held her up at the ATM. According to a police report, Todd said the robber put a knife to her neck and demanded money. She said she gave him $60.

Todd, who is white, also told police that the robber then noticed the McCain bumper sticker on her car, punched her in the back of the head, knocked her down, and continued to punch and kick her while threatening to teach her a lesson.

“You are going to be a Barack supporter,” she recalled the robber saying before he sat on her chest, pinning both her hands down with his knees and scratched the letter “B” on the right side of her face using what she believed to be a very dull knife.

In true Obama form, the fictional assailant elected to use an implement more akin to a scalpel than a hatchet while making his cuts.

Then the robber fled, she said in the police report.

“Wait! Come back! I’m not totally sold on Barack’s health care plan yet!”

Todd took a polygraph test late Thursday or early Friday after police heard the inconsistencies, Richard said.

‘There were major changes in her story” before and after the polygraph test, Richard said. As for the wound on her cheek, “it’s very shallow, it’s more of a scratch.”

Maurita Bryant, the assistant chief of the police department’s investigations division, said Todd can’t explain why she invented the story or explain how the “B” was scratched onto her face.

As Obama is overdramatically heralded as America’s latest messiah (not to mention the Anti-Christ), perhaps Todd has simply come down with a case of new stigmata.

Todd received a call from the Republican presidential nominee and has spoken with her family.

“Thank you for your tireless efforts towards our campaign.”

Barack Obama’s local campaign team also issued well-wishes to the Texas resident.

“Thank you for further ensuring our victory.”

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One response to “McCain Supporters Cut Themselves

  • averageuscitizen

    It’s unbelievable isn’t it? The neo-cons have gotten out of control. Hopefully these are the last of the racist elitists of the conservative movement and the moderate conservatives will step up to the plate and take their party back from the nutcases.

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