Gainesville Police Prove Unfathomably Bad At “Where’s Waldo?”


Today’s great moment in police buffoonery comes to use from lovely Gainesville, Florida.

Police are looking into details surrounding the death of a Gainesville engineer, whose body was discovered just this week in his car although the vehicle had been ticketed seven times since the man was last seen alive.

Officers want to know how John Waldo, 42, got from Calico Jack’s Oyster Bar on SW 2nd Avenue and ended up dead in the backseat of his 2001 silver BMW 330i in College Park.

Waldo was last seen alive at the business on Feb. 11.

There could be a million explanations for this. My favorite, though, is the one where he returned to his car and died there. As opposed to, say, being dragged through the streets in broad daylight, possibly while ticket #4 was being penned. Oh, look at me being all Occam’s razor-like. I’m sorry.

“We know that he was out by himself but then he ended up with a couple of people when he left CJs,” Halvosa said. “We don’t know if he drove or if someone else drove him there,” he said about Waldo’s car being found in the 1900 block of NW 2nd Avenue.

Waldo was found seated face-forward on the passenger side of the backseat. He was fully clothed and had the car’s ignition key. A loaded pistol was discovered in the trunk of the car.

Boy, for his sake, I hope it was registered legally.
City records show a ticket officer issued seven tickets to Waldo’s BMW. The first ticket was issued on Feb. 12. Police have speculated that illegally dark window tint may have prevented ticket officers from noticing someone was slumped over in the car.

Tinted windows. This man clearly had no respect for our constitution! Dare I say it? This was a deserved death. And that handgun registration isn’t looking too likely now, either. Obviously the officer was taking it easy on poor Waldo.

Great job, guys.


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