Category Archives: Music

Let Us Prepare For Jose Canseco’s Doom By Viewing His Opponent In A Disarming Manner

In just a little over four hours from now, the DREAM MMA group in Japan will present DREAM 9, featuring the continuation of its featherweight grand prix tournament and, more notably stateside, the first round of its Super Hulk Tournament, an eight-man single-elimination freak show tournament featuring multiple 300+ pound fighters, a 7’2 kickboxer, and most importantly, for our purposes, disgraced MLB slugger Jose Canseco.

The first round draw will include fights between 320-pound Bob Sapp and 196-pound Ikuhisa Minowa, 286-pound Mark Hunt and 218 Gegard Mousasi, 353-pound Jan Nortje and 225-pound Rameau Thierry Sokoudjou, and, the aforementioned 7’2 kickboxer, 330-pound Hong Man Choi and Canseco, who weighed in at 253.5 pounds.

Yes, despite his extremely limited experience in combat sports, and the experience he’s had has not been particularly encouraging — he fought to a majority draw with 5’6, 165-pound Danny Bonaduce in a celebrity boxing match and prior to that was KTFO’d by 5’9, 205 pound ex-Eagles kick returner Vai Sikahema — Canseco has decided to try his hand at mixed martial arts, and presumably figures the implementation of a ground attack will help him against a man who should, by all rights, murder him with his bare hands. (Actually, he’s publicly backed away from this claim and is just hoping to catch Choi and knock him out, which is probably a far dumber idea.)

And while the predominant thinking would almost have to be “what the fuck is going through this guy’s mind?” (the likely answer is “I need the money”), there are two other distinct possibilities. First, Canseco may honestly believe that he can follow the path of UFC Heavyweight Champion Brock Lesnar and kick off his mixed martial arts career with a win over Choi. Alternately, he may be under the impression that he’s fighting South Korea’s greatest entertainer:

Regardless, Canseco didn’t seem all that worried prior to the weigh-ins today, even going so far as to issue a grandstand challenge to Choi via Twitter (we’re just going to assume this is a legit account and not someone with the desire to impersonate Jose Canseco in 2009) while the 1988 AL MVP was chomping on sushi over the weekend:

I’ve arrived in Japan. Where’s the sushi??1:49 PM May 24th from web

Sushi is great. Where’s Choi??6:50 PM May 24th from web

Bring me Hong Man Choi. I’m at Ginza Hokake tonight until 11:00pm. Why wait until Tuesday let’s get it on.9:49 PM May 24th from web

The only thing more awesome than the actual image of these two fighting in a ring later tonight/this morning is the thought of a livid Choi lumbering into the dining room of a Japanese restaurant, finding Canseco, Canseco calmly rising from his seat, placing his chopsticks on the table and excusing himself to the parking lot, where the two throw down Rocky V style.

And you know, it wouldn’t even be that much more ridiculous than what we have in store in a few hours.


Guitar Hero Debuts New Ad Featuring Unlikeable Personalities, Bobby Knight

Somewhat appropriately, Rick Pitino remains primarily in the background while Bobby Knight, Coach K and Roy Williams all bust out varying degrees of awesome. I have to say, I particularly enjoyed the stunned expression on Roy’s face when Metallica had the nerve to interrupt them. Krzyzewski’s performance is pretty great, too.

I also wonder if the inherent irony of anyone from Metallica calling somebody else “Pops” in 2009 was deliberate. It almost has to be, doesn’t it?

More fine work from the people who also managed to make A-Rod and Kobe relatively likeable in their last set of ads.

The Only Three Reasons NOT To Be Excited for a Blink-182 Reunion

There’s really no long winded post to capture the true nature on why nothing good is going to come out of Blink-182 getting back together.  Short and visually sweet:

1) This douchey hair fronted atrocity happened:

2) And this sappy, pseudo-new wave unenlightened crap happened:

3) And yes, this eye and ear raping, non-remix-unless-you-count-caveman-bashing-drums-over-the-same-fucking-track-a-remix remix, had happened:

I rest my case.

That’s Not My Band: Ting Tings New Video and Why The American Market Doesn’t Always Get It

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Man, I love the Ting Tings. And boy, do I hate labels and director’s that clearly do not understand their artist, and try to reinvent a sure thing.

This is the new video for a year-old song “That’s Not My Name”, off of beautifully crafted and infectiously catchy “We Started Nothing”. If you don’t think you’ve heard of them, or have been living in a cave with a volleyball, they made their American debut with this little diddy:

and found fame internationally with these:

Noticing the difference?  Kudos to the brilliant Columbia marketing team that invisioned The Ting Tings were best represented with Tron rejects and Busta Rhymes choreography on ecstasy. And what a grand reception MTV’s audience has given the video, which is featured on the homepage. True intelligence and thoughtful insights heard round the net:

ang614 posted on 01.27.09 at 05:23am
there is no meaning to this song no story its fuking stupid jose thats not my name the fuk ok

kiqhh.$ posted on 01.27.09 at 11:08am
lol i love this song and this video is cool 🙂 and i love the ting tings. their songs always have meanings. ’shut up and let me go’ is about an x trying to get back with you. ‘thts not my name’ is about someone not remembering your name and forgetting about you.

foreverscn posted on 01.29.09 at 08:26am
Wow….this is horrible. Her voice is really bad and shows no talent. It just shows they will let anyone make a record in hopes for a buck. If this is as old as what other people have mentioned….they should have kept it hidden.


Stephen Colbert helps us Better Know a Beatle: Paul McCartney on The Colbert Report

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When I studied abroad in London a few years back, I had the chance to meet Paul McCartney at book signing at Waterstones. I’m not saying he’s my favorite Beatle because of that, but it’s certainly a reason. I always felt his music to be clean, simple, and epic. And while not taking those away from Lennon or Harrison, there just wasn’t the same appeal.

There’s really nothing funny about this post.  I’ll let Colbert and Paul handle that department.  Hopefully Electric Arguments will be better than his latest offerings.

San Francisco 49ers Hire One Hit Wonder To Run Offense

According to’s Adam Schefter, the San Francisco 49ers have concluded their exhaustive search for a downgrade at offensive coordinator — someone whose sole responsibility will be to suggest the direction in which star running back Frank Gore should run the ball.

So who will replace former OC Mike Martz, architect of the legendary “Greatest Show on Turf” Rams offense of the late 90s and the earlier part of this decade?

You guessed it!

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“Notorious” Police Blotter: Greensboro Suspect Unable To Find Ladies Who Should Be Having His Baby, Baby


The biopic of the Notorious B.I.G., “Notorious,” was released over the weekend to mixed reviews. The much-anticipated film, executive produced by whatever the hell Sean Combs is presently calling himself, was the latest way for Puffy to exploit his supposed buddy’s death for additional fame and profit took in an impressive $21.5 million, good enough to put it in 4th place in the weekend box office. (And just a shade behind the weekend’s #2 and #3 films, Gran Torino and My Bloody Valentine 3D, which pulled $22.2 and $21.9 million, respectively. I choose not to acknowledge this weekend’s big winner.)

But more importantly, it kept local police forces on their toes.

The most noteworthy account I’ve been able to find comes from the Greensboro News & Record:

A 32-year-old man was shot twice in the abdomen during an argument and an estimated 700 people were evacuated when gunfire broke out at a Greensboro movie theater Friday night.

The sound of a gunshot echoed throughout the lobby of the Grand 18 at Four Seasons Station just after 9 p.m. as moviegoers waited to get into opening night showings of “Notorious” – the life and death story of the rapper Notorious B.I.G.

Viral marketing at its most excellent. Mind you, it was the reasonable thinking of Biggie that kept Puffy from shootin’ up the place in “Big Poppa” in the greatest bit of dialogue in recorded history wherein he implores Puffy to play it cool when it comes to the whole firearm thing.

“Why?” Diddy wonders aloud. And it’s an excellent question. What reasonable answer could there possibly be for someone with a weapon in his possession to not want to show it off by, ya know, firing it in a crowded public place?

But the wise Biggie is all like, “Chill out Sean, I must plant my seed in one or more of these bitches first.” Voila! Crisis averted.

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